Dyanne Brown

 To Love at all is to be vulnerable


“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”- C.S. Lewis

I read this quote and I can definitely tell you that loving someone is probably the scariest thing to do in life. When you do it right, you are opening yourself up to someone and showing them everything you hide from everyone else. It’s like giving someone keys to your home and spending all day wondering if you will come home to find all your furniture stolen. Trust is a delicate and fragile thing. Despite what people like to believe trust is not readily given, it’s earned. When you get hired for a job, they have a probationary period where they decide if you’re a fit or if they made a mistake. It’s pretty much the same in life whether you believe it or not. Family is probably the only exception to the rule, but they are probably the worst offenders when it comes to trust and love. But that is another topic for another day.

If we all want love, why is it so difficult? Fear. The fear of getting hurt is a significant and real fear, especially if you have been hurt in the past. It’s not just relationships with the opposite sex that could have left emotional damage in it’s wake. It’s parental, family and friendships. The collapse of any relationship or loving someone that doesn’t love you back can affect your level of trust and openness. Job loss, business collapse or general failure in life can also affect your ability to trust people and situations. We are all made up of experiences and each one changes us and pushes us to evolve. We are all wounded in some type of way from the time that we are children into our adulthood. Our job is to understand how it affects us.

Earlier,  I compared love to the fear of a home invasion. Similarly, if your home was invaded, the typical person would buy an alarm system and find ways to protect their home. This occurs as well in the mind. When you are young and you suffer an emotional or psychological blow, your mind sets up an alarm system to protect you from the same situation. When you get older, this fear makes loving someone very difficult because you have all these safety measures that are trying to protect you from the wrong person that can equally chase the right person away. Unless that person understands it and feels that you are worth all the work of getting past your walls.

As a young girl, fairy tales convince you that a Prince will show up and rescue you from danger. I used to think that it was a cheat to watch these movies because it doesn’t happen. Surprisingly, I know now that the fairy tales are correct. You have to look at them a different way. All the drama that occurs in the fairy tales are acts that can occur in your personal alarm protection system. You can lock your heart up in the castle with thorn bushes, a moat and a dragon outside. Or you could be the evil queen that poisons every opportunity at love in your life. Or maybe, you are asleep and waiting for love to wake you up when it’s right in front of you. That other person doesn’t have to rescue you, but if you are lucky they won’t give up on you. They will try to pass every test to prove to you what you should know, that you are lovable.

Love is not a destination. It’s a journey. It’s something you choose everyday. It requires for you to choose everyday to turn off that alarm. You have to not only welcome them into your home, but make a place for them. Clear out a drawer or a closet and allow them to be themselves. But, if you can do that, you will be rewarded with the love you desire. In all truth, you want to be loved and your heart is always willing to follow all the rules that need to be followed to get that love. And, guess what, if that person you allow in turns out to be a thief than be generous and allow them the little bit of love they stole. Trust me, they need it. If you are good enough to do that, you are guaranteed to get more love. But, if you allow the thief to make you put your love into a prison, you are robbing someone else of the best of you.