How Worrying May Be Giving You Exactly What You DON’T Want

Hello friends:

It’s been some time since I’ve written. It’s my fault because I allowed life to get in the way of my writing. I stopped doing the thing I love. I apologize that I wasn’t here to inspire you, but, if I am honest, I forgot how to inspire myself for a little while.

I thought about if I should be honest about this. Some people may say, why should I listen to her if she can’t do it for herself? But, it is my hope, that some people will see themselves. We all try really hard to stay on our path, but something can come along that blows you away. I think it’s important to get back on the path and keep pushing.

So, I had to rededicate and recommit to pursuing my best life despite the setbacks and obstacles.

I will share more of my hiatus and journey back in later posts.

It’s on my heart to share something.

I heard the quote, “Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” 

I have always been really good at worrying. I worry about things that affect me, other people and the world in general. I never really thought about how it might affect me and shape my world. The quote made me think of how I have worried myself into the exact situations I didn’t want to be in.

Whether you believe in the Universe or God, prayer is literal which is why you should be clear about what you want. So, I thought about if you are worrying how unclear it must be as a request.

Think of a prayer as placing an order with the Universe/God.

Let’s pretend you are in a restaurant and you are ready to place your order.

You say:

I would like a hamburger, but I’m worried that you might make it well-done when I prefer medium-well.  I would like cheese on it, but I’m concerned that you will give me provolone instead of American. I’m afraid that you will put Romaine lettuce on it when I would prefer iceberg. I don’t like red onions, but they always seem to be on my burger anyway. And there is nothing I want more than some ketchup, but I’m sure you will give me mustard.

When your burger arrives, it is well-done  with provolone cheese, romaine lettuce, red onion and covered in mustard.

You didn’t get what you wanted. As you gave your order, you explained to the server more of what you didn’t want than what you wanted. The server is busy. He doesn’t have time to decipher what you really mean. All he knows is that you are hungry and he needs to feed you. But, most of us know to never be this unclear in a restaurant. We understand that we have been direct and say exactly what we want or we won’t get it.

I am guilty of this as well. I spend so much time focusing on what I don’t want to happen that I end up seeing it happen over and over. Worry is simply focusing on what you don’t want to happen. It’s natural to worry. But, it’s important to cut it off and switch your focus to the outcome you want to see. Focus your feelings and thoughts on what you want to happen.

If you are going to obsess over something, make sure it is what you want rather than what you don’t want. Whether you realize it or not, you are sending the signal that it is what you want in your life.

Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff. – Robert Eliot

 

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How Big is Your Faith?

Yesterday was full of a-ha moments for me. My first a-ha moment came while I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN.  The episode focused on three Next Generation Spiritual Thinkers: Mastin Kipp, Maria Forleo and Gabrielle Bernstein. These are three people who have helped awaken and guide me on my spiritual path by reading their blogs or watching their videos. They are all in their 30’s and are sharing their wisdom to invite others to begin your own journey to discover a new definition of life.

One thing that struck me, and actually brought me to tears, was a story that Mastin Kipp told. He talked about the early days of his uber popular blog, The Daily Love.  He said that he  had one terrible week where his relationship ended, his investors pulled out of his business, his business partner left, he broke his back, found out that he had gout and his roommate gave him 3 days notice to move out. He said that his ex-girlfriend’s parents offered to let him live in their pool house which was 8×8.

He said he was talking to God. He asked, “God, why? You are infinite. Why a room of 8×8?” He said he heard God say, “Because, that’s how big your faith is. But, it’s okay because that is all you need.”

As I thought about how my life has come crumbling down and I find myself living on generosity, I started to cry. There are times that I’ve looked to the heavens and thought, “Why am I here?” My path is about finding the reason and doing the work to understand how I am where I am. And, amazingly, I never thought about my faith. I never thought about how much faith I had in the Universe and/or God to give me what I need. I never thought about equating what I have to my level of faith. But, it makes so much sense.

I have faith and I trust the Universe, but I never thought about the fact that I was keeping it small which is why I was living small. I gave the Universe what I thought I could handle if the Universe couldn’t come through instead of remembering that the Universe is infinite. I realize now that my faith was diminished by the fear of disappointment. I do believe that what I see outside is a reflection of what is going on inside. So, what struck me is that if my surrounding are small that it is because that is all the trust I have put in the Universe.

What I had to learn is that my disappointment has always been in myself. I’ve always felt like I should do more and be more, but now I understand that I have to place my trust in the belief that everything is working in my favor. And, I must expand my faith to match what I believe I deserve in this world. Until those two match, I won’t realize the life that is in store and waiting for me. The same goes for you.

“Sometimes God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves.” ― Joni Eareckson Tada

Does your faith match your surroundings? Are you holding back your blessings because you are afraid of being disappointed? Can you let the Universe or God be free to work in your life?

 

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Are You More Afraid of Success than Failure?

“Often our fear stems from a fear of success, not failure. Is there a parent, friend, business partner, sibling, child or lover that you are hesitant to “surpass?” Is there someone you think may be offended or may reject you if you are more successful or happier than they are?”- Ashley Turner, “Overcoming Self-Sabotage.”

Yesterday, I was reading a post by Ashley Turner on The Daily Love entitled, “Overcoming Self-Sabotage.” The quote above struck me and I realized that I’ve been guilty of serious self-sabotage throughout my life. I have a true fear of success. I always thought it was because I didn’t want the responsibility that comes with it. I thought I was had a fear that it would bring a burden of people expecting more of me. When I really think about it, that’s not what scared me because I thrive when I’m needed. I realize that the fear is that someone will think that I think that I am better than them because I am more successful. It sounds crazy when I write it, but I realize that it’s deep-rooted from my childhood.

I can remember so many instances in my life where someone noticed my talents. Being that I can pick up on people’s emotions, I could always sense when someone wasn’t excited about the fact that I could do something. I can remember feeling waves of negative emotions even while the person was smiling in my face. I remember comments like, “Well, you just know everything, don’t you?” After hearing the condescending tone, I would fold into myself and hide my talents. I was a people-pleaser and I didn’t want anyone to feel that I was better than them. I wanted to fit in, not stand out.

As I grew older, it was too hard to hold back. I embraced my ability to stand out, but I walked a fine line. I didn’t show all that I could do, but I did accept recognition for what I allowed people to see. It’s one of the reasons that I abandoned my writing. I knew it was a talent, but I wanted to listen to everyone else and believe that I couldn’t do anything with it. It seemed like it was easier to drift through life using distraction and things as a means of excitement. But, the thing about a calling is that it never leaves. It waits for you to understand your own greatness. It will strip everything from your life until you have no choice but to turn to your purpose. So, I am finding that writing is more important than what anyone thinks about me.

What I’ve realized is that your talent is not about you being better than anyone else. It’s what you were born to do. It’s your passion. We are all born with something that lights us up and we are meant to shine. Imagine if a bee decided that he wasn’t going to be a bee because he was worried about what someone was going to say. It would ruin the whole eco-system. It sounds silly, but we all have a role that we are meant to play. Maybe, playing small is missing an opportunity to inspire the people in your eco-system. What if someone won’t be elevated because you aren’t elevating yourself. The reality is that when you are using your talent, you’re not in competition with anyone. You are living your purpose and that is what this journey is all about.

“Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”- Marianne Williamson