How I Discovered My Truth

I’ve been watching LifeClass on the OWN network this week. The discussions on the show and the webcasts have forced me to look at myself. The show last night discussed how we pretend in our life and what happens when we tell ourselves the truth. I realized that I have been lying to myself for years. The lies that I’ve been telling myself are holding me back from my purpose in life. Some of the lies, I have been aware of and I work to change them. The other lies were just beneath the surface and I wasn’t aware that they were playing in my head. I didn’t tune into them, but accepted them without question.

Here are some of the lies that I have been telling myself:

  • People will only love me if I am successful and I fulfill their needs
  • My needs don’t matter
  • Losing love again would be so painful that I would die
  • Pursing my dream is impossible and irresponsible

These are just some of the words that I realized are creating my experience and keeping me from what I want in my life. This negative noise is making me fearful and giving me an excuse to not pursue my dreams. I realized that I really needed to figure out what the truth is. Instead of allowing this negativity to define me and shape my world, I challenged it. I examined each thought and put it to a test.For example,  people will only love me if I am successful and I fulfill their needs. This certainly is not true. I have friends and family who have loved me when I didn’t have a dime and couldn’t do anything for myself, much less anyone else. Where does this fear come from? Somewhere in my life, I learned that the only way to get love was by being perfect. This belief has driven me to push myself way too hard. It has also made me put others needs before my own for fear that I will lose love.

None of the lies I told myself stood up to the test. Each one crumbled under the truth that I am loved and have been loved. I have survived losing people that I love. I am living my dream and I am supported while doing it. My truth is that it is my divine right to pursue my purpose in this world. My purpose is to be love, give love and receive love. This might sound easy, but it is not. It requires work. In order to be love, you have to first love yourself. Loving yourself means that you have to acknowledge the truth about yourself at all times. We, as human beings, have a difficult time seeing the truth about ourselves. You add to the fact that, as children, we are taught to deny our feelings for the comfort of others. You are taught to lie to yourself about your desires to not be seen as difficult. We carry that into adulthood. It doesn’t mean that you can start blurting out your truth to others. Some people do, but it can be viewed as inappropriate. But, you can tell the truth to yourself.

Now, I give myself permission to feel whatever I feel and I tell the truth about my feelings. For example, I am not the most trusting person in the world. I have had experiences in my past that could make it understandable. It’s something I struggle with. I, literally, feel anxiety in my body when I have to give someone more trust than I think I can handle. In the past, whenever I felt this anxiety building, I would go into judgement of myself.  I would berate myself for not being able to freely trust that nothing would go wrong or that people weren’t out to hurt me. I have learned to be kind to myself. When I feel the anxiety, I give myself love. I tell myself that it is understandable to feel anxiety and I challenge my catastrophic thinking. I remind myself that I can’t control other people, but I can handle whatever happens. I trust that my instincts will protect me, if I need protection. I trust myself.

“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.”- Mohandas Ghandi

My truth is that I have everything I need. I’m no longer chasing the thing or image that I believed I needed to be perfect. I am all that I need or ever need to be. I was born with all that I need. My challenge each day is to remind myself of this truth. Everything that I gain is the icing on the cake. And that is what makes life sweet.