I have been learning a lot about myself lately. More than anything, I am learning about the power I have to shape my world. I’ve known about it for some time, but the execution has always eluded me. Now, I understand why.

“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” – Anthony Robbins

I am an admitted “self-help junkie”. I read everything that I can get my hands on. I understood it at a mental level, but I didn’t always put it into practice. I would hear it and then return to doing the things that didn’t work. I realized that suffering was meeting my needs in a way that I wasn’t aware of. I thought of suffering as this horrible, awful thing that I would never want. But, I am starting to realize that suffering fulfills a need which is why I have been addicted to it. I’m sure that I am not alone in this thinking whether others realize it or not.

The epiphany came while I was listening to Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love. I have been in attendance at Love University, it is a teleclass devoted to helping people get out of their own way. He gave an example of how you are in a toxic relationship that isn’t meeting all your needs, so then you call your girlfriend and complain about it. In complaining about it, you receive the loving connection that you are seeking and your needs are temporarily met. When I heard it that way, I understood the benefits of the suffering. However, the suffering is unhealthy and is not what I would choose for my life.

I suddenly realized that I was choosing the focus on the unhappiness in my life as a way to bond and connect with other people. It is obvious that this is not working for me because I continue to search for a way of to stop suffering. It was as if I was a student that wasn’t turning in any of the homework or projects, but couldn’t figure out why I kept failing the class. Now, I am plugged into understanding my motivations. Through my work, I realized that sympathy is something that I have always felt deprived of. As a child, I learned that overachieving and being smart earned me praise, but it also reduced attention and sympathy. At some point, I learned that suffering with others got me sympathy, love and attention. It made me feel like apart of the group, but it doesn’t fit me well. I am actually suffering, because it wasn’t meant for me. I know, in my heart, that there is more to me and for me.

After coming to this conclusion, I picked up a book, Awaken the Giant Within, by Tony Robbins. The book detailed how to change your thinking to become more of what you want and to follow your purpose in this world. His words caught my attention when he talked about research around people with multiple personalities. He said that their beliefs were so deep and emotional that doctors reported seeing physical changes as they moved from one personality to another. They watched their eye colors change; their health change; body markings appeared and disappeared as they switch from personality to personality. It changed my mind about beliefs in an instant. Someone had to ability to change their eye color or for a health ailment to disappear based on the belief held in their mind. I have read about this before, but this picture made it more vivid.

Tony Robbins also states that “all of our actions are in the pursuit of pleasure or the avoidance of  pain.” I had it all mixed up. I associated achieving with pain because I never got the love and sympathy I desired. Using his book, I understand that I have to change my mind. Success will bring pleasures and not pushing myself has led to pain and suffering in my life.  I am ready to surrender to my greatness. I know that I have the power to shape my world through my choices.

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”- Anthony Robbins

Think about the things you tell yourself? Are they true? Are you getting what you want out of life? Is it time for a change?