Living in Gratitude

I have made a decision to try an experiment. I am going to live in gratitude for a year. I’m making a commitment to spend my day searching for 5 things that I am grateful for. One of those things will result in a post on this blog. Each day, I will post what it is that I am grateful for. Sometimes, it will be something huge, but I’m sure that most days it will be small things. If I can look at small things with gratitude and treat them as miracles, life has to change for the better.

I’m doing this because I don’t feel like I am fully in alignment with my path and my purpose. I want to feel my abundance instead of lack. What you focus on, you get more of it. I would rather focus on being grateful rather than worrying about what I don’t have. This is an experiment in shifting my focus. I am curious if it will change my life. So, I will use the blog to track the changes and see if it does. It will also force me to write on a daily basis, so it is a win/win.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I was a little emotional but I gave myself permission to celebrate anyway even though I’ve never given birth to a baby. My best friend and I went to get our hair done. I haven’t treated myself to the hair dresser in, at least, ten years. It sounds crazy, right. Many years ago, I had a few bad experiences with a few different hairdressers. I got really good at doing my hair and figured that it wasn’t necessary to go to the hairdresser. But, I decided to treat myself. I needed to be pampered.

It was all very familiar and I quickly thought, “why haven’t I done this in so long?” I couldn’t remember all those reasons I had made up in my mind. The woman called me over to the sink to shampoo and condition my hair. There is something renewing as you lay back and your head sinks into the bowl. She takes her hands and massages your scalp while letting warm water wash over your head.  You relax and let go and trust the person that is invested in making you look and feel beautiful. I sat there as she manipulated and cut my hair. When she whirled me around in the chair to face the mirror, I couldn’t help but grin. I felt like a new woman. My spirits lifted. It is such a small thing, but there is something about hair that makes your feel confident. As I ran my fingers through my hair, it felt like silk. It felt like love.

I really started to think about it. The hairdresser was a metaphor for what I’ve done in my life. I had a few bad experiences and I used them as a reason to deny myself a pleasure. I punish myself for not being smart enough to avoid the bad experiences by withholding  things that I love by telling myself that I don’t need them or deserve them. Instead of finding the person that I could trust, I stopped going all together. I told myself that I didn’t need it and I could do it myself. I was correct. I could do it myself, but it doesn’t mean that I should. I can leave it to someone else who can do it better than I can. I can put myself in the hands of someone else and allow them to help me. What I received was more than just a great haircut and an esteem boost. I realized that I need to let go and allow myself to enjoy life. For that, I am grateful.