No One Can Use You Without Your Permission

This past Sunday, I watched OWN’s Super Soul Sunday on the simulcast through Facebook. It provided a very unexpected awakening and I almost felt like they were talking about me at the moment. Oprah was interviewing Caroline Myss, a renowned author and speaker, who said, “When you betray yourself, you are no different from the people who hurt you.”

I was rocked when I heard it. Over the past weekend, I was in the midst of thinking about the things in my life that aren’t serving me. I am someone who is willing  to serve. I serve people at my capacity. For the most part, I give what I can give. Being that I am a people-pleaser, I still struggle with giving too much. When she made that statement, I understood that I was betraying myself. Caroline also explained that when you truly compromise that you don’t care about it. You give it up because you love the person more than you do the thing. When you compromise your integrity or your heart, that is an act of betrayal. When you feel something inside you that says it’s not right and you do it anyway, you are betraying yourself.

I can say that there have been times where I literally felt my mind and body screaming not to do something and I did it anyway. I did it because I feared that I would be considered the “bad” person if I didn’t. What I tapped into through Caroline’s words on Sunday is that I didn’t let it go. I was angry at the person for asking me to do something that I didn’t agree with. I expected something in return. I wanted a valiant act to prove that they were willing to give up as much of themselves as I did. I didn’t realize that I was participating in my pain. I was betraying myself and expecting other people to give more to pay me back. When they didn’t, I felt betrayed. I had given you my integrity, my heart and my money, but you refuse to do the same for me.

Now, I understand that I betrayed myself and I am the person that I was angry at. It’s easier to point the finger outside than it is to look inside and realize that you invited the pain. I had given my integrity, my heart and my money with no promise that it would be returned. It wasn’t stolen. I gave it away. I always had a choice and I knew that I should have said no or I should have walked away, but I didn’t . As stated above if I betray myself then I am no different from the person that hurt me. I am being selfish to myself by giving more than my capacity.  I abandoned myself. I didn’t respect my own feelings and needs. Every choice we make either empowers or disempowers, and I was choosing to disempowerment.

“When you are on the right path, you don’t put yourself in positions that betray you.” – Caroline Myss

It was powerful to understand this. Not only could I take accountability, but I had all the control. I examined many parts of my life and I have given myself permission to check in with my integrity, my values and my heart. If I find that something is going to betray me, I value myself more than anyone. I will continue to give away what I don’t care about it or what doesn’t take away from me, because that is the type of person I am. But, I will no longer compromise my integrity. I learned that I can’t be in a state of love if I am betraying myself and that person never actually gets real love from me. They get love mixed with poison, because I am drinking poison and killing my ability to truly love.

How can you choose to empower yourself? Can you love without giving more of yourself than you can afford?