“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution” – Kahlil Gibran

I want to share a video that I recently watched on youtube called, “How to Re-Program Your Subconscious Mind”  by Marie Forleo. The video walks you through some steps to changing your subconscious. In the video, Dr. Cathy Collautt describes how you can gently examine your subconscious mind, acknowledge the fear and eventually change your thinking. It brought to my attention that I wasn’t being kind to myself while I was attempting to change my subconscious thinking. I was judging it, calling it wrong and trying to push it away. I didn’t accept that my mind was trying to protect me. Now, I realize that there is one person that I have been not so kind to, myself.

The definition of kind is to  show sympathy or understanding. I would classify myself as someone who is kind. I sympathize and try to understand what others are going through. Until now, I thought that was enough.

Here are some of the ways that you can be unkind to yourself:

• Holding yourself to unrealistic or unobtainable standards.
• Putting yourself in situations that are completely out of your control and go against your values.
• Choosing to surround yourself with people who kill your dreams or make you feel bad about yourself.
• Denying yourself pleasure, fun or rewards.
• Ignoring your own feelings and emotions while giving to someone or something else.
• Abusing your mind, body, heart and intelligence.

Why do we choose to be unkind to ourselves? Many of us have been taught that others know more about ourselves than we do. We defer to others for our happiness. All the tools for your personal happiness exist within you. If you believe that you don’t deserve your own kindness, you will continue to ignore your own feelings. While on the path, I have learned that everything begins with you. If you are giving everyone else your kindness, but being incredibly hard on yourself than you aren’t accomplishing what you set out to do. Eventually, you will only develop resentment because you are giving everyone else while depleting yourself.  You can’t give what you don’t have, whether it’s money, time, kindness or love. Give it to yourself first and then allow it to fill up until it spill over to others.

As they demonstrate on an airplane, if you don’t put your mask on first you can’t save anyone else. Being unkind to yourself doesn’t benefit anyone because you are unable to give anyone the true pure love that exists in your heart. As long as you are giving too much, you will protect your love as if it needs to be rationed because you might lose it. However, if you are giving yourself love and it’s overflowing, you know that you control the love in your life. You never have to stop giving it to yourself and it will never stop overflowing, so if someone needs it you won’t be afraid to give it. You are your own greatest love.

Be the love you want. How have you been unkind to yourself? How can you start to show yourself kindness? Are you on your own schedule?