Sex, Dating and Technology

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” ― Oscar Wilde

I had to think long and hard about this post, but I decided to write about sexuality. On the journey to the best life, it would be impossible without talking about sexuality. And, it’s taken a front seat in my life this week, so please allow me to share my thoughts.

It’s hard to turn on the television without being faced with sexual images. Twerking seems to be on the national stage and there is an obsession with butts in general. While in the midst of all this, I find myself on the dating scene for the first time in six years and trying to navigate social media with sexting and everything else that comes along with technical romance. It’s hard to know what is the right thing to do and to control your virtual image. I’m facing unexpected challenges.

When I was last dating, I had Sex and the City. Carrie and the girls made me less self-conscious about my feminine sexuality. If I was feeling paranoid, I turned on the show and was reminded that there were other neurotic, pleasure-driven women who were trying to have it all and enjoy it at the same time. In the world, Post-SATC , I find myself feeling more unsure in a world saturated in technological sexuality. Sex is at your fingertips, if you have a smart phone. It’s hard to figure out what the new rules are. And, while one would think it would encourage more freedom, it has done the opposite. It’s made me judge and guard my sexuality.

Now, in the new world of dating, I would think that a woman must cast a wide net and use bait to attract a man’s attention. And, we are no longer competing with the other women in the bar, but the women in his smart phone, on his Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts. You could be in the middle of talking to a man when the woman he’s been waiting for pops up on his Foursquare. There is no shortage of ways to stay in contact these days. Standing out is challenging, but not impossible.

So, how do you compete? The best way to compete seems to be not competing.  The question you have to ask yourself is what type of attention do you want? Reality shows have confused infamy with attention and many people are fine being infamous as long as it garners them attention. But, that type of attention is not long-lasting. You are famous until the next crazy person comes along and does something crazier that everyone will talk about it and so on and so on.

Instead, it’s important to develop your personality, your sense of style and the things that make you stand out as an individual. When you pay attention to that which makes you special, it will make others pay attention to you as well. You will shine from the inside and it will attract others to you. There is nothing wrong with being attractive and sharing pictures that show your beauty. And, there is also nothing wrong with embracing your sexuality. It’s just important to know that it’s one part of yourself that someone can find amazing. Don’t allow this sex-obsessed world to allow you to lose yourself competing for attention. You should continue to develop all parts of yourself and the right attention will find its way to you.

“Boys will be boys, that’s what people say. No one ever mentions how girls have to be something other than themselves altogether. ”― Hilary Thayer Hamann

I want to continue this discussion and explore this new dating landscape in later posts. Please share in comments, email me or contact me on Facebook.

I want to know your experiences and let’s navigate this together.


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