“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” -Winston Churchill
The truth about haters:
- If you are doing something right, they are hating on your for that. The more haters you have, the more you are doing right.
- If they are hating on you, they are spending their days thinking about you and following every thing you do. That means they are admirers. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it is indifference.
- If someone can hate on you, they are obviously someone who is in pain or experiencing some type of hurt.
- Rebelling against your haters imprisons you and you are as wrapped up in their thoughts of you.
- It’s not personal. Let it go. Send them love and live your life.
As a reformed “people-pleaser”, I used to live by public opinion. If anyone had a problem with me, I either try to figure how to balance their happiness with my own or abandon my happiness for theirs. This led to me suffering in silence as the happiness was sucked out of me. There is no fun in living beneath your abilities to make others feel better.
The other option, which many take, is to become angry at the haters. You live your life in rebellion of the people who are hating on you. In the process, you becomes as hateful as the very people you are rebelling against. Rebellion is a prison. In not trying to please others, you are acutely aware of and constantly focusing on not meeting their needs. It also turns you bitter in the process.
So, if you can’t give in to them and you can’t rebel against them. What can you do? You can not care what they think. The only way to do that is to become self-approved. If you can develop faith in yourself and what you are doing, then you won’t be affected by the haters in your life. This can make for a more pleasant life, but I am offering you that there is an even higher step.
I’ve told more than one person that I pray for my enemies. Every time I say it, people say, “oh”, with a blank stare as if the thought had never occurred to them. It doesn’t surprise me because there was a time when I would never have thought of it either. Before my soul work, I would see any betrayal as something deeply personal. I had all these insecurities within me that were triggered when someone disappointed me so I immediately saw an act of betrayal as confirmation that my insecurities were true. See, this person left me so I’m not good enough.
Now, I see that in these types situations that there are two people in pain. Generally, a betrayal is less about you and more about the other person. If you find yourself in a situation where someone is attacking you for no clear reason, it has more to do with something in them that you remind them of. If you’re successful and they never pursued their dream, they attack you to hide their insecurity. If you are in a good relationship or single and they are in a stale, loveless relationship, they may try to make you feel bad. There are a many reasons why someone may fixate on you and try to project their insecurities and failures on you. But, you have two choices in that situation. You can see it as nothing personal against you. If you lash out in response, you should look at your own fears and insecurities and figure out why. It’s an opportunity to heal something within you.
Don’t feel bad if it takes some time before you can pray for your enemies. If not, let this post serve as a way to understand their motivation and pull yourself from the toxicity. There will never come a time when everyone will love everything that you do. The only question that matters is whether you love what you are doing. If you do, then there is no one or nothing else to worry about. Send your love to your haters and keep giving them more things to hate on you for.
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”- Oscar Wilde