Who Have You Given Access to Your Trust?

In this post, I will be speaking in metaphors. The Trust account represents every person’s ability and level of trust. We all have a level of trust. Some of us have a higher level of trust and others have a lower level of trust, but we all maintain it in different ways. We may not be aware of our own level of trust which is why it might be easier to view what I am about to say as an account, similar to a bank account. Bear with me.

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”- George MacDonald

The first deposits and withdrawals in the Trust account are, most likely, made by family members. As a child, family members build trust by taking care of us and providing for our needs. They also withdrawal from the Trust account at times. An example of a withdrawal would be if someone promises to pick you up and doesn’t show.  Promises not kept can be a significant withdrawal in the Trust Account.

As we grow older and began to rely on ourselves, we become the person controlling the deposits and withdrawals from the Trust Account. We also become responsible to deposit into our own Trust Account. Through guilt and mistrust of self, we can make significant withdrawals from the Trust Account. You make promises to yourself and when you don’t keep them, you began to not trust yourself. If you don’t trust yourself, it can create insecurity in your world and the people in it.

The remainder of deposits and withdrawals come from others in the form of relationships. These are relationships with friends, lovers, and children. These relationships can result in significant deposits and withdrawals over the years. Significant relationships can require loans and credit which require a greater degree of consideration and risk. For example, someone that you first meet builds credit over time and eventually earns the privileges to borrow more and more credit after they have proven they can handle it. From first date to partner reveals the rewards as it is proven over time that the person appreciates the love they are receiving.

I hope you are following my metaphor. As you grow past your twenties, the account flips and relationships with yourself and others become more significant than family. The basics of the Trust Account is that your trust is earned. As with a bank, anyone can open an account but it is your job to manage the account in such a  way that your account remains open and available to you. This means that it is your choice who you allow access to your trust. It also means that you decide how many times they can overdraw their account before you close the account.

Some people start with a deficit. They start out owing the Trust Account and have to work a bit harder to get their balance to a healthy amount before they can withdraw. Deposits include: spending time, being honest, communicating, being understanding, being reliable, and being loyal. If someone can make these type of deposits in the Trust Account, they will achieve a healthy balance and they can take reasonable withdrawals of trust. As long as they manage their account, the trust will grow with interest. If the withdrawals of trust don’t match the deposits, there amount of credit available will be significantly less. For example: if you are always on time and there for a friend, but they don’t make time for you. Over time, the amount of trust available to that friend will decrease unless the friend eventually matches the efforts.

Deception or any type of abuse are major withdrawals. They are bigger than the account and more like robbing the bank. The entire Trust Account can be overdrawn, closed and severely penalized. It should be avoided at all costs. It would require a great number of deposits over a long period of time before Trust can be restored to the previous balance.

I am comparing a Trust account to a bank account because most people understand the importance of money, but don’t always understand the importance of Trust. In reality, even your bank account and ability to gain credit is built on trust. The bank will analyze all that you’ve done in your past through your credit history and try to determine if they can trust you to pay back their loan. In relationships, we foolishly ignore all the past infractions and assume that we can make all the difference into whether the person will take care of our heart even knowing that they haven’t. Sometimes, we are right but most times we are wrong. We allow people access to the Trust Account that clearly don’t deserve it. We watch them abuse it and use it, but we do nothing to stop them because we are afraid that we won’t find someone else to replace them.

Perhaps if you review your relationships with this pragmatic view, you may find that there are a few Trust accounts that deserve to be closed and a few that deserve to be rewarded or upgraded. If my metaphor is too much for you, the bottom line is that you chose who can love you or who can hurt you. You control who continues to earn your trust. If you look at your relationships and see that you are the only one that cares about your feelings, it may be time to have a discussion about your needs or end a relationship.