I have spent the past couple days successfully distracting myself from writing. Technology makes it increasingly easier to avoid what I need to do. I have played angry birds on my cellphone. I’ve mindlessly surfed the net and read celebrity gossip. I can watch the same movies and tv shows over and over on cable. Distracting myself is not the problem. Getting myself to do what I need to do is harder. The holidays have provided even more excuses and distraction. It’s hard to win the argument as to why I should sit down and focus on writing this post. Finally, I got tired of myself and I opened up the WordPress blog. I was tired of letting myself down day after day by prioritizing everything else higher than my needs.
It’s fake to tell myself that numbing out while watching mindless television or playing games is more important than doing the thing that brings me joy. I’m sitting here typing while music (my second love) is filling the room. I am in my happy space. The words are pouring from my mind onto the screen and I feel in my element. So, why do I constantly deny myself the very thing that makes me happy. I think it’s because I’m so used to not doing what I want that it feels alien to me. I’ve spent so much time with people telling me that I can’t do it or it’s not as good as someone else that I have anxiety around it. It’s easier to watch other people chase their dreams than it is to pursue mine one post at a time.
I am discovering the truth in this very moment. It feels good. Whether people read or not, it feels good to string words together and for my fingers to attack the keyboard. I think that means it is reason enough to do it. It’s cathartic. Writing helps me get the thoughts from my mind and work them out in a creative way. I share in hope that it helps someone else. Television shows, magazines, and jobs will convince us that we can’t do the things that make us happy. I have pursued the image of who I am supposed to be and it didn’t work for me. All I ever felt was used and unappreciated. I felt like my voice didn’t matter, but I realize now that it’s because I was being directed by people that felt their voice didn’t matter. The misery is being passed down from person to person. This occurs in families and at jobs. If the authority figure feels like no one care about them, they pass the hopelessness down to the person below them.
“There is no beauty in sadness. No honor in suffering. No growth in fear. No relief in hate. It’s just a waste of perfectly good happiness.” -― Katerina Stoykova Klemer
There is no honor in suffering. It’s hard to make others happy when you feel bad about yourself. I am learning that our job in this life is develop love from the inside out. Your cup has to run over to be able to share love with everyone else. For me, I am filling my cup up by writing this post. I can’t distract myself from doing the thing that brings me joy. The season that is upon us is about giving. It’s wonderful to give to others, but it’s important not to forget about yourself. Are you on your priority list? Remember to do something for yourself for the holiday. It doesn’t have to be big and expensive. It can be something that makes you light up. It’s important to all that love you that you love yourself. If it’s important to you that is enough to make it important.