When you create boundaries, you are giving people the understanding of how to love you in a way that feels like love. The people who love us don’t know what our boundaries are unless we tell them. But, many of us, don’t believe that we are worthy of asking for things we want and need. We would rather make the other person happy without worry about whether they will seek and find out what makes us happy. This is not loving to us or the other person. What happens is that you build up resentment against the person and they don’t even know that they are doing anything wrong. They learn that the rules to your relationship is that they get what they want and you are happy to give it. They never learn that you are willing to give love and make them happy, but you would like it returned in a way that you can accept it. They never know how much you bend to make them happy and that they should bend to make you happy as well.
Without boundaries, you are creating a false relationship full of anger and selfishness. Nothing in this world would function properly without boundaries. How many accidents would we have if the roads had no signs or boundaries while cars are trying to travel? It’s not loving to hide your boundaries or pretend they don’t exist. In the end, you are pouring poison into the relationship by not recognizing your needs and the relationship will not survive. If someone in your life is angry or resistant when you tell them your boundaries, then that person was using you and it is not love.
The people who truly love you should want you to be happy and should want to know what they can do to make you happy. The people who love you should have no problem fulfilling your needs and should be upset to find out that you have denied them. People that love you want to have a healthy relationship with you and should be willing to do what is necessary to make sure that both of you are happy and healthy. Boundaries give the other person the key to unlock your heart and your true self. When you feel respected, you show up as your true self in your relationships.
It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves – to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to be Loving to ourselves without owning our self – and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives.
~ Robert Burney