I am often trolling social media while searching for inspirational quotes and other information of interest. I ran across a post that talked about people discussing their worth in relationships and it asked what I think is a valid question, how do you know that you are worth what you are waiting for?

I think that is an excellent question that anyone should ask. Why? Because you attract who you are, not what you want. Your worth is who you are as a person and what you think about life. It is very possible that you do need to do some work on who you are if you want to attract the person that you desire into your life. I read and hear people say that the person should “love me as I am.” That is true. But, who you are is not your circumstances. The person doesn’t have to love your circumstances and you don’t have to remain in them to be who you are.

“When your self-worth goes up, your net worth goes up with it.” – Mark Victor Hansen

Relationships are designed for your growth. You will attract one of two things into your life based on your beliefs about who you are. You may  attract someone who confirms all the negative things you believe about yourself and the world. An example of this is if you say, “All men are dogs. There are no good men left.” or “All men are liars.” You will find yourself dating lying, cheating and womanizers again and again in different bodies and faces. The same goes for men that say, “women are golddiggers” , “I am never getting married” or “all women are hoes.” You will find yourself dating every woman who is digging in your pockets, not marriage material or that has a long list of guy friends.  Eventually, when you get enough of them, you may change your mind. The second thing you may attract is someone who is a  more healthy relationship, but it brings up all your wounds and helps you to heal them. An example of the latter is when someone walks into your life and seems perfect for you, but they bring up all your fears and doubts about a good relationship. The difference is that this person has a vested interest in seeing you get better and grow together.

The reason why we get caught up in toxic relationships is because no one is all good or all bad. We all have light and darkness within us. Often, when we attract someone with the negative things they can also possess the good things that we want in a relationship. But, knowing your worth is about knowing what you deserve emotionally. If someone is hurting you, ignoring your needs and harming you  financially or emotionally; you have to decide if it is worth it to you to remain in a relationship with this person. If the person has no interest in changing, you shouldn’t stay. I say that the easiest way to get someone out of your life is to change. If you change your belief about yourself and you do the work necessary to raise your self-esteem, the toxic person won’t be as attracted to you anymore or you will find that you are no longer attracted. You’ve probably experienced this before. If you ever had a friend that borrows money from you all the time and you decide that you aren’t giving them money anymore, you barely see that friend anymore. It’s not about the money. It’s that you placed more value on yourself and your friendship. The price of your friendship changed from casual interaction to true intimacy. People that are using you don’t want the responsibility of your feelings.

However, if you change who you are and require more of someone and they step up to the plate then it means that they understand your worth. But, in every situation, it requires for you to change.  As long as you don’t know your worth, you will continue to attract people who decide what it is according to their own agenda. It’s not for you to sit around and wait for someone to figure out your worth. Figure out your worth on your own. Make the changes that are necessary to get the life you want. If you can do that, then you will attract the person that understands your worth. You don’t have to wait for anyone to come along and show you your worth. When you step up to your purpose and are sure about your worth, you will  attract people worthy of your attention.

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.” ― Malcolm X