“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”- Benjamin Franklin

How many times have you found yourself doing the same thing, but expecting it to end in happiness? How many times have you had the same argument with your spouse, but believe that you will resolve it this time even though neither of you are listening? You are in a job that you hate, but you find the same job at a different company and expect that to make you happy.You are dating a guy or girl with the same problems as the last person you dated, but you still hope that it will end up in marriage.

Delusions will convince you that you are making a different decision when really you are stuck in a cycle. You think you are making a different choice, when you are choosing the same problem with a different face. Until you recognize it and face the true problem, the results you desire will elude you. This is true in business and in relationships. It is hard to see our own patterns. Most people don’t want to dig deep and ask the questions that will unearth our delusions. We are often making our decisions based on subconscious fears. Fear will keep you where you hate to be because it is more comfortable than trying something different.

You can suffer from the insanity of doing the same things that don’t work in their relationships and wonder why they fall apart. As you get older, you can become more ingrained in the belief that everyone else is wrong. It’s very easy to be selfish in a relationship and to want to have your own way. It’s very hard to see things from the other person’s point-of-view. It’s can be difficult to look at how you are causing the problems in the relationship, but it is essential. A relationship is two people, if there is no infidelity or abuse involved, both people are responsible for the demise of the relationship. Communication or unwillingness to compromise can be as divisive as infidelity. If one person feels like their feelings don’t count in the relationship, it will erode trust that their partner understands their emotions.

Do something different. If you choose the wrong guy, choose someone that is radically different. If both partners are waiting for the other to change, be the person to recognize that what you are doing isn’t working and do the opposite. If you usually don’t listen, try listening. If you’re fighting about not going out, go out. Someone has to be the bigger person and surrender. Relationships are not a battleground. There will be arguments, but you can diffuse them by doing something different. If you’re unfulfilled with your career or your relationship, do something different. If you never share your ideas at work, share them. If you want a different job, apply to one. All it takes is one step in the right direction. Try it. Do something different today.