If you’ve ever had a dream or ambition, you have surely encountered a dream killer. They can come in the form of friends, family members and even significant others. A dream killer is someone who finds a way to convince you that anything you want to try, do or be is impossible. Dream killers are different from haters because it’s a bit more insidious. A dream killer is usually someone you trust (maybe even look up to) that gets inside your mind, creates fear and convinces you that you don’t stand a chance.
Here are the 5 signs that you are seeking advice from a dream killer:
- When you share your good news or idea with the person, you are excited. By the end of the conversation, you feel deflated, anxious or stressed.
- Their advice begins with the words: You can’t, You shouldn’t or That’s not a good idea.
- As they are giving you advice, they tell you every risk, possible problem or some story about someone who tried and failed.
- They try to distract or redirect your attention with something else. You’re trying to work on your project and they are trying to tempt you to slack off.
- They try to remind you of all the things you will have to give up to pursue your dream.
If you’ve experienced any or all of these, you are telling your dreams to a dream killer. Don’t immediately think that there is some malice involved. The person may not even be aware that they are a dream killer. Often, when someone has a negative view of life, they don’t realize that they are constantly spewing negativity. Often, they are projecting their own fears onto you. They are telling you what they can’t or won’t do. If you realized that you are the dream killer, you need to figure out what scares you about other people pursing their dreams. Often, it brings up suppressed feelings about not pursuing your own dreams or your own failures. When someone you love is planning to do something that feels out of your control, it is easy to get into dream killer mode. The funny thing is that you are not trying to control them, you are trying to control your own feelings. Deal with your own feelings, but find a way to support your loved one.
Why is it important that you don’t get advice from dream killers? It is hard enough to muster the courage to pursue your dreams. There are enough influences in your daily life that will discourage you and urge you to seek comfort instead of uncertainty. If you are surrounded by dream killers instead of supporters, it is that much harder to step out of your comfort zone.
There are 5 things you can do to avoid being sucked in by dream killers:
- Don’t share your dreams unless you know the person will be supportive. Only share results with the dream killers. You are vulnerable when you first start a project. If you share results with the dream killers, there is nothing left to kill.
- Be self-approved. You have to know that you are meant to pursue this dream and you can’t let anyone discourage you.
- Surround yourself with people who are doing the same thing you are trying to do. Find people who are successful at doing what you want to do and seek advice from them. They have accomplished it. Try websites like: meetup.com or even twitter.com to build your network.
- Forgive them for they know not what they do. You can listen to the well-meaning advice, but don’t absorb it. You can understand that it has less to do with you or your dream.
- Use it as fuel. If you are competitive, you can use the discouragement as fuel to push you to meet your goal.
Every person that has done something important or notable has faced someone telling them that it couldn’t be done. It’s a rite of passage. You can view it as a test of how dedicated you are and how much faith you have in your dream. Keep pushing to succeed. The easiest way to quiet dream killers and haters is to succeed and prove them wrong. But, your dreams are not about everyone else. They are about you. Decide that your happiness is more important than what anyone thinks, says or does. And, if you want to be successful, you have to develop a community of like-minded people to support you. You shouldn’t expect that to be built-in your present inner circle. You don’t leave people behind because you don’t love them. You leave them behind because they choose not to come along for the ride.
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”- Gail Devers