“The trick is to realize that you’re always doing what you want to do… always. Nobody’s making you do anything. Once you get that, you see that you’re free and that life is really just a series of choices. Nothing happens to you. You choose.” – Arlene Faber, The Answer Man
There are two things that you do in life: You either sign up (volunteer) or you make your own choice. It is very rare that you are not doing what you have decided to do. Some people try to live their lives as if they are not in control. They try to leave all the decisions to someone else or chance, but even that is a decision. If you put someone else in charge of your life, you are making the decision to let go of control. Not making a decision is still making a choice.
The truth of the matter is that you are always doing what you want to do. When you do something that someone else asks of you, you are signing up or volunteering. Your choice is that the need of that person is more important to you. Sometimes, we have to choose to make someone else happy or feel good because it comes back to us. Why is this scary? This means that you are not victim. Most of the time we are participating in the events of our life. When things go wrong it is because instead of voting for yourself, you vote for the predator and then try to figure out how you become prey.
We do this all the time. It can be by being in a relationship with someone who has proven that they are unable to love you the way that you deserve. You could be doing it by remaining in a job that doesn’t make you happy and where people don’t recognize your talent. It can be by sabotaging everything good that comes into your life. You are always making choices. The questions that you need to ask yourself are: what type of life do I want to live and do my choices support that life?
You can’t do anything without giving yourself permission or justifying it in some way. If you are cheating on a relationship, you have to decide that you have permission to mistreat and lie to the person that you say you love. If you are abusive (mentally or physically), you have to tell yourself that you are allowed to abuse someone who you say you love. If you are not living the life that you deserve, you have volunteered for the life that you are living. The question is why? It’s easy to say that it is a result of your upbringing. It’s harder to look at yourself as an adult and understand that you have the power to reshape and create your life and relationships. You are not a victim of what you’ve known. The knowledge that you need is at your fingertips if you are willing to search for it. You can create your own ideology. You can try something new and different.
If you want to empower yourself, you have to take responsibility for all the choices in your life. We all have a constitution by which we lead our lives. Often, your constitution is written on by outside forces, people and dogma. You have the power to rewrite it and decide how you will lead your life. If your life doesn’t fit your ideal, change it. Don’t continue to give yourself permission to do things that hurt you. Don’t continue to volunteer for actions that keep you locked into a life you don’t love. You are always doing what you want. So, shape your life in a way that mirrors what you actually want out of your life. You have that power so embrace it.
“When you know better you do better.”― Maya Angelou
What are you giving yourself permission to do? Can you empower yourself to make changes to your personal constitution? What changes can you make in your life? Share your comments.