The other day, I was in the middle of complaining about one of the many things I do to make someone else happy and comfortable. I was feeling unappreciated and it was coming out in the form of self-talk. It was a wholly unhealthy moment, but I’m proud of myself for not holding it in like I normally do.
In the middle of this self-talk, I said to myself, “I wish I had someone like me. I wish I had someone who cared enough to do all the little things to make me smile.”
As soon as the words escaped my lips, I felt terribly silly. Duh. I do have someone like me. Me.
I had to sit down to really think about this. When I was angry, it was because I felt like someone else wasn’t appreciative of my contribution to their world. But, was I appreciative of my contribution to my world? Do I benefit from all the wonderful things about me? Do I show myself the type of kindness that I so freely give to others even if they don’t return it?
In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t my main focus. I wasn’t giving myself the best of me. I was giving myself to others and angry that it didn’t feel like it meant much. I was looking outside of myself for the validation that I hadn’t given to me.
But, the reality is that I am the luckiest person. I know how amazing I am and people only get me for some of the time, but I have ultimate 24-7 access to myself. I’m on demand for me. I can treat myself to a gift and I know exactly what I want. I can make my favorite food. I can turn on my favorite movie. I can seek and find things that will delight me. No one knows me better than ME.
“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” ― Steve Maraboli
I can also show myself kindness because I know my story. I know why I react the way I do to things. I know where I’ve been and what I’ve been through. So, who better to understand me in any given moment, then ME.
All the negative self-talk quickly died. I realized that I’m not appreciating the person that I have all the time who can constantly make me happy.Too often, we are our worst critic. Then, we are surrounded by people who echo what we believe about ourselves or their actions prove to us that we’re not worthy of love and appreciation. When you’re giving too much, trying too hard or killing your emotional self to make something happen, that’s not love. The first one to love you is always you. And, only you can rescue yourself from people who don’t respect or appreciate you.
I think I always confused loving yourself with arrogance, but, I realize that it’s really about honoring yourself with your choices. I can choose to be around people who don’t recognize my worth, take it for granted or don’t practice reciprocity, but that’s not honoring myself. I can also choose to be around people who mirror the values I see within myself, my generous spirit and who challenge me to be a better person. Now, that’s love.
“Once you learn to LOVE YOURSELF, you will NEVER BE LONELY again.” ― Michelle Parsons
Note: I read in a post that the actor, Fred Rogers, used to end all of his communications with the words, I’m proud of you. I thought that was a great idea and I’m going to copy it on my blog posts and communications from now on. I think it’s a way to spread a little kindness and it is true.
So, if you are reading this. I understand your struggle and I AM PROUD OF YOU.
Have a great day, friend.