I think it’s important to do a check-up when you’ve been in a relationship for some time. It’s very easy to take your partner for granted or to feel burdened by the needs of your partner. You also have to be careful about getting a negative view of your relationship instead of seeing how it benefits your life. The main ingredient to a good relationship is two people who want to be together. But, you have to sprinkle in many more ingredients to keep it happy and spicy. You can still lose focus if you stop giving everything that the relationship requires.

So, here is are 5 things to think about to help you put your relationship into focus:

• Remember what it was like to be single before you met your partner. The problem with this is that many people think that the past was better than what it was. Men tend to think that they can get any woman they want. Women tend to think that Prince Charming is waiting around the corner. The reality is that you dated many wrong people before you found the person you were ready to give your all to. I wish every person would keep a diary so you can read your own writing about how horrible your past relationships were so you can remember how special your partner is. 

• Instead of focusing on what is not being done, spend some time taking notes on what is. There are so many other things that we can add to the list of what our partner can do for us. But, we often forget to look at the places where our partner makes things a little bit easier. He takes out the trash. She picks you up from work. She redirects conversations with your mother when she sees your blank stare. He rescues you from the nosy neighbor. He brings you a cup of water because he heard you cough. She keeps the refrigerator stocked with your favorite foods. There are little things that you do for each other that people overlook, but can be just as valuable as the big things.

• Think back to when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Before you took on all the responsibility that comes with being a parent, homeowner and spouse, there was a time where the two of you spent all day in bed and all you thought about was his or her body. Maybe, you made plans to meet in the afternoon, on your lunch break, to have sex. You did it  even when you were sleepy. You couldn’t get enough of each other. Those people are still there. It might not be as often, but you should try to tap into them every once in a while. It may require farming out the kids to relatives, but it’s important to get the juices flowing and be naughty adults from time-to-time.

• In a relationship, you can be right or be happy. What prize do you win in a relationship when you are always right? It’s a prize that most people wouldn’t want to win if they understood it. The prize is either that your partner gives up and suppresses who they are or they get so fed up that they leave the relationship. It’s not possible to be right all the time. You can be right about your own feelings, but not your partner’s feelings. And your own feelings can’t be the only ones driving the relationship. Do this check up? Are you  always right in your relationship? If so, does your partner look beat down or about to flee? If so, it’s time to compromise.

• Remember the reasons why you got into the relationship in the first place. Tap into that person that was single and searching for love. Remember him. Remember her. Why did she want to find love? Was it so you would have someone to talk to? Was it so you would have someone to spend the special moments of your life with? Was it so you would have someone to have sex with all the time? Was it so you would have someone to go on vacation with? Was it so you could have children and raise them with someone else? Was it so you could give and receive love? Are you doing those things? If not, why not? Have a conversation with your partner and reassess your goals for the relationship. Find out why they got into the relationship and focus on giving those things to each other.

Relationships are hard work. People think that you are supposed to rely on your heart and as long as you feel overwhelming love towards your partner that it will sustain you in a relationship. It’s not true. There are going to be times in your relationship where the love you feel for your partner will lessen. Your mind has to also be in the relationship. At the times when you’re not feeling that loving feeling, it’s your mind that reminds you that you’ve made a commitment. If you can focus your mind on why you are in the relationship, you can turn the relationship around. It’s never too late to show someone how much you love them.

“The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re alive.” – Orlando A. Battista